Kona 2012- Bike and Run

The Bike

Managed to get my bike stuff together and basically stumble onto my bike. I was thinking "This is awful.. I can't believe I am feeling so bad so soon!" Instead of enjoying the fact that I was at Kona, I felt like I might not be able to finish. I told myself to just spin the out and back section and get myself together. I put my Garmin screen on 3 second average to save my ego a little bit, knowing there wouldn't be any sort of information I'd be happy to see.

This was definitely at the beginning. 

The main  issues were stomach pain, extreme thirst, and being disoriented. I chugged the two bottles of liquid on my bike and hoped it wouldn't be too long before the first aid station. There I grabbed and chugged two more full bottles. The whole ride I didn't absorb anything.. I ate and drank diligently for the first couple of hours and my stomach just got bigger and bigger.. I couldn't throw up and I looked like I was getting closer and closer to my due date. Actually, after the race my stomach skin was really sore from the quick stretching.

To be honest I don't remember much about the course.. I kindof missed the chance to look around.. just had to focus on moving forward. The other issue I didn't mention is that circumstances necessitated that I switch to a new (and different) saddle and adjusted position two days before the race. No one has to tell me how un ideal that is, but I truly didn't have a choice. SO ... in addition to everything else, my poor glutes, more emphasized in the adjusted position, basically fatigued out after about two hours so I had to sit up and spin.

So bottom line is that I felt pretty crummy.. but I still thought I could perhaps finish. There I was.. riding around sitting up into the forty mph winds, with useless glutes, a cranky attitude and a massive gut and unable to absorb any food or water. To put it in perspective, I drank at least 240 ounces and didn't pee the entire race.

I think in terms of a tough ride perspective, I can probably count on one hand the rides that compared to this one. One was the death ride in Cartersville this summer where I alternated crying, shivering with heat exhaustion chills, and hoping that I would see a H and an arrow pointing me a to a hospital on the route. The other one was Ironman St. George which was eerily similar to this one... I felt like crap, it lasted forever, and I fantasized about running off the road into an ambulance so I could have an excuse to rest. Finally, possibly one of the long rides I did going down Fulton Industrial Boulevard several weeks ago where I almost blacked out due to lack of oxygen (trying to get into Zone 3 during the month of bronchitis) So, my comfort was basically that, in some ways, I was quite prepared for this ride! Overall, the whole thing was Not exactly how I pictured it going several months ago, but things happen!

The Run

I was quite happy to get off my bike. I tried to put on a brave face for friends and family but I have to say it was tough. I just kept running over and over in my head.. how did I miscalculate so badly? My race 'plan' was to enjoy the experience as much as possible but it was really tough because I just hurt so much. The thought of walking the marathon hurt slightly more, thank goodness. Also, I thought if any of my friends at home actually stayed up late enough to track, they would totally be cursing me for literally making them stay up the whole night!

Still jogging through this was one of the hardest things I've done. You know the Bob Seebohar approach to metabolic efficiency.. "teaching your body to burn fat as fuel?" Well I skipped all the introductory, intermediate, and any sort of recommended steps and went whole hog straight to no food/no water during an Ironman! I was actually kindof amazed that I could jog.. I have practiced though.. I sure have had bricks where I failed to fuel and hydrate appropriately and have forced myself to complete the time regardless. This is definitely not recommended as an ongoing path to improvement, but I do believe that you have to know that you can run or jog in any circumstances. Practicing that is definitely, in my mind, the only way I got through this run.

So, as I said, I did manage to keep jogging. In the words of a friend doing a recent Ironman who may not wish to be quoted by name " I didn't walk, I just had to stop a lot!" The run was the much awaited return of the puking. Puking felt so much better and I was glad that I could entertain the spectators with a proper display of suffering befitting of the Hawaii Ironman. :) I pretty much alternated every other mile.. one mile I would hit the portojohn and the next I would take some time to hurl, then repeat.

I still was trying to at least drink, but still wasn't absorbing any fluids. In all this time, the whole route was amazing. I saw tons of family, friends and everyone was so supportive. I have to admit though, at times I wished for No spectators because it was really tough to put on a happy face.

So I slogged through with the described pattern till approximately mile 16, when I had to stop and hurl several times again. After I was done with that, though, I suddenly felt a tiny bit different and the twisting gut pain dissipate somewhat. At the next aid station, I took some more water and coke and suddenly felt as though it might stay down. It took a couple more miles after that, but around mile 18 I suddenly felt a little spark in my brain, like after these many hours it was finally getting a tiny hit of caffeine, fluid, and sugar.

And amazingly, I was able to pick it up. I had totally (and purposely) lost track of time at this point, the only thing I knew for sure is that it got dark early and I would finish well after dark.  Heading out to the energy lab, the sun was already on it's way down before six. I started doing math in my head just based on the sun and realized that if I booked it, like a lot, I might be able to finish before seven.

The body is an amazing thing. Somehow as soon as I was able to actually get the tiniest amount of food and water, it was like none of that abuse that came before mattered.  It was starting to get really dark as I headed into the Energy Lab, and I just kept running faster and faster.  Just a little sugar and water was all it took for my mood to change, too. I went from really down to totally engaged. On the way back out of the Energy Lab, they were handing out glowsticks and I kept refusing one. Nothing wrong with a glowstick, but I hadn't planned on taking one, so I didn't want it. When a man finally insisted I take one, I carried it for a minute then looped it around a cone.

I was finally having the time of my life.. running down Ali-i as fast as I could, in the pitch black, trying to beat the clock still.. just like the hundreds of people before me as well as the hundreds of people after. My wonderful parents came all the way out there to cheer me on again, and I kept asking them "what time is it" I was so focused on my new goal, the one I made, to be able to do this one aspect of the race like I had planned.



There is nothing like the last few miles of Ironman Hawaii. You can hear the voice from several miles away. And the downhill in the last six miles is sweet! I love running downhill and somehow I ran fast again. I haven't looked at my splits much but I did see that the last 1.2 miles were supposedly a 5:38 average. That seems a little suspect to me, but I don't think it was really that far off. While some people's vision of the ideal finish is doing goofy poses, or high fiving everyone on the sidelines, the only thing I want to do is run fast (and therefore practice for future fast finishes on the run :) ) It was so crowded and the lights were blinding. About half a mile out I saw Paul and Jim running along and yelling  (Impressive that Paul could still run after his own IM) After that it got too bright and crowded and I couldn't see anyone.. I knew John and his parents and everyone else were somewhere in the crowd though. I ran through and tried to do a really good jersey point, but I'm not sure if it really turned out.

Post Race

Lessons learned.. don't drink seawater.. and expected the unexpected as always.


There is no race like this one. Before going I brushed a lot of it away as hype and figured it wasn't everything  that everyone said. It isn't .........in fact, it is Way better. It isn't just the race itself, it's all the activity and the whole scene and history behind it that make it so amazing. I feel so blessed to have been a part of it.. and if anyone every asks I will say it is worth it to go whether it's to participate or spectate.

I should also mention that Bob Seebohar does not condone trying to better 'use fat for fuel' by going fuel-less during an Ironman :)

Surfing a couple of days after

Me and Macca

Awesome supportive cheering section :) 

View from our place

Kona 2012- Pre-race and Swim

Pre-race

The most amazing thing about this race was just absorbing the atmosphere and having such great support of friends and family. My incredibly supportive parents/John’s parents both made the trip and the Lincks were there, Giorgia and Giuseppe, and Klo. It was cool to have other people there who appreciated just how awesome the whole scene was. Way more fun than I thought and all I could say was, I have GOT to find a way to get back here!

Paradise!

Pre-race with the awesome fam

Do I still remember how to ride a bike?

Amazing support from my girls, too :) 

Loved everything about it from visiting the places we’d heard about, to the laid back atmosphere, to the underwear run, where Paul, John, and I made it to the website of Triathlon magazine.

On to the race preparation phase….

Race-wise I have to say I was feeling pretty apprehensive. Eight weeks out to about four weeks out, my training was extremely compromised due to a really intense viral infection where the symptoms included not being able to breath, and my ‘key’ training sessions included barely jogging, swimming with a pull buoy, spinning in zone 1 with frequent rests, and flogging myself for being such a weakling.  There were days when I managed to pick it up a bit, but then I would usually be forced to take consecutive even easier days after.  Four weeks out to two weeks out, my body was able to pick it up a bit on the bike and swim, but my running was all low mileage slogging. I tried to keep a good attitude but I’d be lying to say it wasn’t a little depressing to go to such a big event so unready to race . After awhile that disappointment lost the sting, and then I was just hoping to be healthy enough to to the line.. and make it to the finish.

So needless to say after all that, my expectations weren’t of any personal bests or great performances. My thought was that I would try to  enjoy myself and make it to the Finish!

The Swim

I was really apprehensive as it was about to start. I talked to this nice girl on the shore who didn’t speak good English but it was nice to share a little empathy. She said “ I am afraid” to me and it was nice to not have to feel like I was the only one feeling a bit overwhelmed. She indicated that she had done the race once before and I asked her the swim was and she said ‘it is war’ Something haunting about her accent and the way she said it .. I really just wanted to survive the swim.

Half the people were just standing on the shore in no hurry to get into the water, and the other half were dutifully warming up between the shore and the start. I kept standing there and finally I figured I would go find my place near the start. The water is strange in that it is actually kind of chilly near the shore and warmer farther out. I gradually began to wade out and was relieved that I felt like I was floating easily. Like I said, I had been having some respiratory difficulties and my greatest fear was that they would surface during the swim and make it impossible to keep swimming. I had been planning to move as far to the left as possible and I looked for this large multiperson giant canoe thingy so I could hang on and stay chillaxed before the start. It’s always the case for em that the course and route look so obvious from above but become disorienting as soon as you enter the water. I was asking one of the paddlers on the boat which way to go and she indicated that I would be pulled towards the other shore if I went far to the left as many swimmers were doing. I asked her advice and she pointed towards the middle .

Well she seemed like she knew what she was talking about so I was going to listen… I reluctantly went towards the middle and the back third of the pack. For some reason the cannon didn’t go off and so everyone just started going.  I was expecting 'a war' and was surprised that, at first, there wasn’t  much contact. I had seeded myself far enough back so there was really no one behind that wanted to pass (or clobber me), but not far enough up so that I was around swimmers worth drafting off of. At kona the swimmers are condensed.. they don’t spread out much like at other IMs and pretty much everyone is between 55 and 1:20 or so. So basically there is nowhere to go. Fine for me at first, like I said, I certainly was being cautious and felt like I was moving slow but no problems for the first few minutes. It was pretty choppy and of course made choppier by the mass of bodies so one thing I noticed is that I was swallowing some  amount of water. I really didn’t think much of it.. obviously I know that drinking seawater is not a good option for those lost at sea, but I’ve never had an issue with it before in my few ocean swims.

So there I am just cruising along.. trying to stay calm and not freak out at the masses.. I start to feel nauseous  after awhile.. no worries. I’ve just swallowed some air and need to burp. Happens all the time.  Anyways, I just start feeling more and more uncomfortable and strange.  I had to stop a couple of times, which I generally don’t do for obvious reasons. I finally make the turnaround and feel like I am moving in slow motion. Now I know my swim fitness was not the best going into the race, but despite my limited training  I  had certainly done enough to make it through a little IM swim! More time passed.. I stopped more.. I treaded water, I started puking up the saltwater, I got dizzy.. stopped puked again… I was starting to think I had been out there a long time. It was very strange.. I have never felt quite like that. I felt like I was hot and feverish and dizzy and like I must have been carrying bricks in my hands.. it was quite difficult to keep swimming. I was cursing what I thought must have obviously been extreme out-of-shape-ness and then I started fantasizing about a glass of plain water. That was what pretty much got me to the end.

I got out and started staggering around. Seriously.. it was so weird. Also, I wanted to cry.. I just felt so bad. 

I actually had to walk instead of jog through transition and I stopped at the aid station and drank several cups of plain water. I heard the announcer say.. “We’re 1:12 into the age group race” and I thought maybe I was hallucinating.. I thought there was no way I wasn’t in there for 90 minutes or more. 

We are in Kona, and I am not leaving....

Timeline of events so far in Kona...


1.En route-  I downloaded the wrong "as the crow flies" Instead of the biography of Craig Alexander, I read a fictional account of a wanna-be grocery store owner born in 1900. From selling fruit door-to-door to owning a grocery empire, I successfully got through all 800 pages despite battling through a complete lack of interest. What an achievement!

It actually wasn't a  bad book...

2. Caught up with friends and family. John's parents, my parents, Paul, Kim, etc. Much more fun to hang out in paradise than anywhere else.

Cookout on the first night..

3. Toured the sights, dig-me beach, where John accidentally told Chris Lieto "good luck" even though he knew he isn't racing Kona this year. Also, two trips to the coffee boat, where I managed only one head-on collision with another swimmer.

Coffee boat.. only have to swim half a mile out for this...

Random expo pic.. the expo goes on and on for blocks...

4. More hanging out with friends and family at our awesome digs one mile from the pier on Ali-i Drive. Bikes and runners go by at all hours of the day and night, and the waves literally come up to our doorstep.

The front gate of our house...

The backyard of our house...

5. Participating in the awesome 'underwear run' Some very interesting sights to see.  It was hard to take pics while running, so you'll just have to come see yourself. Our outfits below are painfully tame.

We're supposed to be flexing here... 

Looks like I have temporarily given up on even being able to feign a flex. Paul and John still got it...

6. Being dressed up going to lunch in bike shorts and a jersey. They matched and were relatively clean and new.. it might as well have been black tie

Here I'm actually REALLY dressed up in a tank top

7. Buying the sweetest kit I've ever seen from Zoot and the coolest t-shirt I've ever seen, too

The bike jersey top is even better... can't wait to wear it!

8. Meeting Christy and getting a sweet pic of us with me and my Energy Lab t-shirt!

This basically counts as an endorsement, right? (Note: we did  not tell her "good luck")

9. Planning ambitious events post race, that sound like a great idea right now. They include surfing, SUP-ing, windsurfing, and mountain biking down a volcano. Also, frantically planning how we can come back again whether I race or not! As I told John, "This is a great place for an annual vacation.. heck.. bi-annual".. and "These are my people! I want to stay here!" etc. etc.

10. More to come soon! Tonight is the banquet, and tomorrow I am planning to be mostly boring and lazy, minus a trip to buy the ten things I forgot.

Kona Training Update #1!!!

Just kidding! Ten weeks or so ago, my intention was to blog my training successes and failures en route to Kona. In my mind, the posts would follow the formula, success, minor setback, and more success! See below:

Had an awesome killer bike session! Had five minute, twenty minute, and three hour personal bests this weekend ....again! It was hot.. but then I set some sort of record on my brick run as well! Awesome! (Success, fake setback, more success)

That scenario actually did happen, once,  in early August... aka my first  official week of training. (minus the again) I didn't get around to blogging that week and then, unfortunately, not much happened that fit into my proposed  formula after that. The weeks after that, I hardly wanted to blog "Got sick for a month and couldn't manage to swim more than 50 yards without pulling for two weeks!" It's really not good blog material and no one wants to hear anyone whine about something someone chooses to do that is really, when it comes down to it, a luxury.

Finally got a pic with my way-cooler-than -me Bike!

The other issue was the lack of thinking about the race. The brain likes to be active at all times. For some of us that tend towards rumination, we have the gift of focus. Focus can be called different things... the words "focus, drive, and determination" connote positive images. The more negative descriptions are obsessive and worrying.





Well my focus has been elsewhere...my brain has been busy with other pursuits. Never in my life have I had less 'space' than I do now. Lack of space meaning lack of sleep, time, and energy for any activity not directly related to working and other 'work' projects. This is not necessarily a bad thing. MOST of the things on the plate are positive and things that will grow into something fulfilling and rewarding. But that also means that for the first time since I've been pursuing triathlon, I've been 'not' obsessed with it 24/7. While this can hardly be considered a bad thing, it does make me a little nervous going into the race.

Gettin' it in at Energy Lab

Here I am, I have managed to qualify for the biggest amateur event of our sport, but do I really deserve to be there? Sure I have put in the time, even when I couldn't breathe correctly for weeks, only got four hours of sleep, or was at my absolute wits end, but the nobility of that (often futile-seeming) effort doesn't mean that it constituted 'quality training'

Awesome shirt, courtesy of my #1 supporter :)

So all that said, my expectations are minimal performance-wise. Fun-wise, I am turning the screws here. Big pressure :) I really just want to try to take a real break and enjoy the time. I'm very thankful to have qualified, and I'm very thankful to have so much great support from friends and family. My number # goal is to get some experience, enjoy the ride, and be happy with whatever the day brings. Also, I don't want to finish so late that my friends in Atlanta get too tired to stay up :)

EDIT: I also want to think of something cool to do at the finish line.. I have tested my back and shoulder flexibility and everything is definitely too tight for any gymnastics... unless I can suddenly revive my back layout...

Sadie and her 'Official  Mascot' shirt

Go ATC and now Energy Lab, too :) I'm really looking forward to enjoying the time in Hawaii and all the exciting things to come after with Energy Lab, John's first marathon in December, and Ironman Texas in 2013... and beyond!

Here's a cool interview on mind and others Kona training from Beginner Triathlete, the website that originally was the answer to my endless questions at the start of my affair with triathlon in 2009. http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/cms/article-detail.asp?articleid=2519

The perils of using facebook as your training log

There are all types of facebook posters in this world. Some want to sell you things, some want to make you feel guilty and some just want you to know that they again woke up, ate breakfast (chic fil a!), had to go into work (oh the traffic!) and were subsequently annoyed/offended/amused by their co-workers/clients/patients. Then AFTER work, they checked into the Chevron, as they like to do on Monday evenings, and… oh, you get the point.

The interesting thing to me is not what they then did after discovering the extra long line at the Peachtree Chevron (hopefully come on over and shoot me) but how  they and all these other types of people express their personalities through facebook when it comes to triathlon/ironman training.

Generally there are four different types of facebook Ironman personalities that stand out. In no particular order, they include the bragger, the soapboxer, the fisher, and the oversharer.  A note: I’m sure we will all recognize some of ourselves in these characters so don’t be offended.

In fact, to set the right tone, let me start by making fun of myself. The more philosophically astute among you may realize that as I proceed with my anti-soapboxing rant, I am actually soapboxing myself. The Really smart ones may also realize that I was able to throw in a little backdoor brag with that last statement. (Backdoor bragging is the socially acceptable way to brag, as we’ll learn later.)

So without further delay, let’s start by identifying the four facebook posters and their posts about daily life.

1.       Bragger- in daily life this person is hard to miss. Nary a day goes by without this fellow tooting his own horn in neon flashing lights. He got out of bed, he got a promotion. He is so fabulous.. look at his pics!! He always having fun and living a perfect life. He’s got 1000 facebook friends… what a popular, successful guy!

2.       Soapboxer- The world is an unjust place and this girl wants to make sure you know about it. Responsible for all the posts that make you feel vaguely guilty even though you don’t really know the person in real life. ‘True friends are hard to find, as I have recently discovered’ It’s tough to go on when the whole world seems to be against you’  The soapboxer may also choose to express herself in a more positive sense particularly when they are shilling some type of product or service. Oftentimes it is something faddish but the zealotry is intense. ‘Eliminating soy from my diet changed my life in three days. Here ‘s the link to buy my soy-free soy and join my soy team!’

3.       Fisher- Woe. Is. Me. Oh, how we love the fisher. Always looking for a little self-esteem injection or pick me up. ‘Got some great news today!’ (please ask me about it ) ‘ Feeling like an ugly duckling today’ my favorite is an exasperated sound/noise/word with no additional explanation ‘ugh!!’

4.       Oversharer- Do I even need to describe the over-sharer further? Perhaps you enjoy reading scintillating publications such as the farmer’s almanac.  It’s kind of like that.. a recitation of mundane facts. On facebook it translates to dozens of daily ‘checkins’ and generally focuses on such fascinating topics as

a.       Sleeping-Getting out of bed. The more interesting posts may reference that this activity can be difficult. Going to bed late or early

b.      Going to work- why that sucks or(rarely) is awesome

c.       Driving- traffic, circuitous routes, getting lost, accidents, and traffic tickets

d.      Eating- Getting coffee, eating lunch, snacks

e.      Errands- Getting gas, picking up dry cleaning, dealing with childcare, and going to the bathroom. I’m putting myself to sleep here….zzzz

Now, since I know two of three of (the) readers of this blog are definitely triathletes, let’s get on to how this translates into facebook as training log

The Bragger- if you achieve something significant, you should share it with your friends and family. This behavior is okay. Notice the key qualifier significant. It’s really up to you, but you might also want to deliver it in a way that’s palatable to others. Consider the following fictitious examples:

@ChrissiesMiles- Wow that recent Kona win was SO stupid easy! When am I going to get some real competition around here?

@RandomWeekendWarrior- I rode 600 miles on Sat and ran 60 miles on Sunday. What did you do you lazy loser? Also, I’m not tired, I’m rich, AND I’m much better looking than u. (note: that may need to be two tweets)

The Soapboxer- sharing things is an important part of humanity. By sharing your knowledge and opinions with others you are effectively engaging with society.. to a point. Key: accepting that your way of doing things might not be the best way for everyone. Example:

@MagicJuicePowderBar- I Never would have made it through my session without my magic juice/powder/bar. The custom blend of magic, organic sugar, and various  other .. um.. sugars come together in a magic way that is much greater than the sum of its parts (again, multiple tweets)

ALL I have to say about this is you better be on the payroll of Magic Juice/Powder/Bar or it’d better contain actual  performance-enhancing, legal ingredients besides caffeine, sugar, and electrolytes (that pretty much leaves actual magic)

Fisher- When I think of a fisher, I think of Eeyore from Winnie the pooh. If you recall, his goal was to become the happiest donkey in the Hundred Acre Woods. If Eeyore was in Ironman training, he would undoubtedly post the following to get both the conversation and the compliments flowing:

@IronmanEeyore- Think I might be getting injured.  

@IronmanEeyore- Ugh. Another failed training session today

@IronmanEeyore-Guess I’ll have to train all alone… again

And after the accolades and encouragement tapered off, if Eeyore could tweet he would undoubtedly post

@IronmanEeyore-Thanks for noticin’ me

Oversharer- An oversharer can’t tweet. It’s impossible. Even the space available for status updates is a severe limitation, so the oversharer has to go with multiple, multiple updates. They also can’t help but supplement their postings with one of those auto-update online logs that take some of the load off by posting For you.

Molly Martin:

Molly Martin checked in at the Silver Comet Depot. “Time for my long run!”

Molly Martin ran one mile via “Irritating/Auto-Posting Training Log” See her live stats here!

Molly Martin ran one more mile via ” Irritating/Auto-Posting Training Log” See her live stats here!

Molly Martin ran one more mile via ” Irritating/Auto-Posting Training Log” See her live stats here!!!!

Molly Martin checked in at Publix “Re-fueling after a great run !” …. “Naptime” …. “Two minutes faster than last time!”…. “Run was great minus my uncontrollable GI distress!”

So what kind of poster/online logger are you? Did I leave any important categories out? Are you really mad at me right now?

(Notice I left out people who post as their pets on facebook. Completely normal!)

PSA to the ladies; You’re letting life pass you by!

Have you ever been in a gym locker room, the women’s side? No? You’d think these people were getting ready for The Miss USA pageant. The pageant goes on all day, every day, but in my opinion the biggest show is in the morning pre-work hours.

Certain gyms are worse than others. Generally, in city or school facilities people are not as concerned about getting all gussied up... maybe they are less likely to have to go to professional jobs or beauty competitions after their morning sweat? I have also noticed that, generally, the more froo froo (expensive) the gym, the more you see giant wheelie suitcases, two outlets worth of hair tools, and three caboodles of makeup.

When I walk into a locker room post swim, the thought goes through my head …no wonder people say they don't have time to work out. I mean seriously! Think about your life. You only have 168 hours in the week... Let's say 50 for work and commuting, 50 for sleeping, and we live in Atlanta, so let's say 15 more just for driving back and forth to sleep and work. Throw in likely 10 more for eating, preparing meals and preparing for those actives. ...not to mention 15 for family stuff. Then  perhaps throw in 5-10 for social acitivites, church, etc  so that leaves you, like, 18. And you're going to spend 15 MORE primping so that you may ( or may not) look one percent more put together than otherwise?



I actually wonder if these ladies are  getting some additional  reward for all that prep work. ..like its some sort of competition, ie.. I am spending this much time fluffing my hair because I am hotter or more important.  Or maybe spending ten minutes solely on curling your eyelashes is just really enjoyable?

Lest you think I'm a sweats to work sort of gal, I'm not a hippy or anything. It's important to still look as good, or as good as you can look, only in my world the time limit is twenty minutes. You just need to take shortcuts. Let it be known that although I have been known to wear tri shorts to the grocery store, I also do engage in what I would term the important female primping rituals such as regular manicures, pedicures,  and I’m sure, in the future, other secret/ expensive things girls have to do of which men may never know, such as Botox, Fraxel, drinking urine, and finally an eventual hip replacement. 
 
Back to the locker room. Assuming I have pretty much described your routine, let’s break this down. Basically, you have to get to the gym by 5 to get in an hour workout, assuming you need 90 minutes to get ready for  work. You also have to consider all the effort and time that goes into preparing all your caboodles and accessories the night before. So you have a 1/2 ratio of training/preparing. That ratio sucks. You need to make it more like 2.5/.5 to be worth even getting out of bed for.  

Well, lucky for you, I'm going to tell you the secret to everything. Get ready in your car! We live in Atlanta, so I actually feel only small pang of guilt that what I'm advising could potentially lead to a safety issue.

It's very simple,  really.  First of all, let me let you in on a little hair secret. Chlorine, windows down, and rollers can sometimes lead  to an okay hair day. Swimming in a lake Then using the products/methods I mentioned can lead to a Great hair day! Secondly, you don't have to look in the mirror to actually do anything expect for eye stuff so save that for when you arrive and don't sue me.


So with that I have saved some of you up to two hours per day and you can use that free time any way you choose. P.S. if there are published rules to the grooming competition could someone please send them to me? Just in case I find myself in need of a new hobby.

Catching up- the death ride, I’ll never be Michael Phelps, Peachtree and Chattanooga recaps

So far behind on recaps. I'll just hit the training highlights of the past several weekends. 

Headed to those mountains

Cool photos my friend Jerome took in the Gaps a few weeks ago. Lots of these photos courtesy of Jerome. Hope ya don't mind!

First, the Death Ride, as I have since termed it. I had the hardest ride of my life the week before the Chattanooga Oly. Hardest meaning the closest I've been ( or the hardest I've tried) to bail mid-ride. Lately, I have been paring down on running to really try to concentrate on improving my bike. I definitely have found the point where less is less, but more on that later. Anyways, through this process, I have become a big fan of riding my bike!  Honestly, I love riding long rides especially, the harder and hotter the better, and I love all the great centuries we have locally near Atlanta.

This is actually mile 83.... over the hump! At this point I am resigned to my  fate.. limping it in the rest of the  way. The inability to get up is real... 

So I really, really wanted to do the Cartersville century…. Even though I had done the Brevet 100 two weeks prior and a hard Gaps ride the week before... (and a HIM the weekend before that, and an IM a few weeks before that, and another HIM a few weeks before That!) Also, the C'ville century was a week prior to the Chattanooga oly, but I convinced myself it would be okay. I actually Planned on it being a very fast easy century and thought I could recover just fine. Famous. Last. Words.

The century crew Lauren, me, Jerome, and Ted... notice everyone looks to be feeling pretty normal but me

Also, it was a record hot day.. 108 degrees and I felt like crap before I even started.  I have never been so close to getting sagged in my life.  In fact, I talked to the SAG guy… not near the end.. I was ready to bail at mile 48.. especially after we got lost and added several miles right near the beginning! There was some definite sweat and tears but I was convinced    forced to  finish by my friends. The last several miles I was freezing cold and I had full blown heat exhaustion. It was pretty amazing, really!

Contemplating how I'm going to get home

Fast forward a few days to Peachtree Road Race. I was soo excited because John and I, along with several other friends, actually decided not to run Peachtree hard and we wore costumes instead. Lots of fun and laughs.. I don’t think I’ll ever run Peachtree hard again!

John and I's awesome paint before it all sweated off. Turns out even jogging  the Ptree was strenuous, especially after we got lost getting back to Steve's house and had to take a taxi.

John, Jason, Steve, and I

I don’t have much to say about Chattanooga. Basically, I had an amazing swim (for me), then proceeded to ride my half ironman watts, and ran at a pace..a lot.. slower than my last two half ironmans. All the fun of the past several weekends catching up with me. As always, though, Chattanooga is really fun and we had a blast with friends. Someday, I am going to come and crush this race!

On the yog at Chattanooga

 Finally, some big news. This just in, I found out that I’ll never be Michael Phelps. I’m sure that comes as a massive shock to those of you who have seen my unique take on the freestyle stroke. Basically, my spine is slightly crooked which goes a long way towards explaining lots of form issues and pain that I have had cycling and swimming since day 1. It’s actually a relief because I’m sure it’s a lot of pressure being a gazillion time medalist and all J

How to properly complain about a disappointing race result.

How to properly complain about a disappointing race result. Simply follow the listed steps:

Step 1- Set it up beforehand. This is the part where you loudly tell everyone in advance the reason you won’t do well. The two most popular choices are either “I’m treating it as a training day”… ie “I’m tired from training” or “I haven’t been training” however there are endless variations on these as well as some other good options.

1.       I’m going to simulate the ironman by practicing my IM pace at the super sprint

2.       I just want to practice my ‘nutrition’

3.       I have a sore toenail, pinky, etc.

Step 2- come up with your ego-protecting angle- After telling everyone why you won’t do well (too much training, not enough training, or injury) the next step is to frame up your unique excuse. Of course you’re still planning to still crush the course, despite what you said in step 1, but if something goes wrong you’ll need a ‘backup reason.’

Here are some popular ones, again taken from the vault of personal experience, my sandbagger friends. Here are your options, choose any of the below:

The ‘I don’t know anything’ guy- I have a friend like this who shall remain nameless. Actual quotes from this weekend “ I didn’t know what the distances were for this race” “I forgot I was signed up for this race until Thursday” and “I didn’t know that was a rule” (After getting a penalty)

This is a great tact to take for a number of reasons. Number one, the underlying insinuation is that if you Did actually know the rules and care, then you would be beating all your friends with ease. Number two is that it is actually bulletproof from a number of comebacks. Have a terrible run? “I didn’t know you were supposed to run more than once every two weeks!” Barely limping at the end? “I didn’t know you were supposed to eat or drink en route.” Pretty much the only downside to this method is that it only works for a limited time. You may be able to stick with this for a few months but after that people will start to be onto you.

The ‘perpetually never training’ guy- I have a friend like this. He is always 10-12 lbs heavier than he was at ‘race weight’ (although he claims that ideal race weight occurred last year, and last year he was saying the same thing about the year prior?) He always “hasn’t been running… or swimming.. or biking” and he is always talking about what he will do when he gets back in shape.This guy spends more time talking about how he’s not in shape than he does actually training (except for the secret training, but we’ll leave that for another post)

 Often there is a reference to a previous time period where he Was in shape and he is always comparing himself to this long-lost ideal. The exact parameters of this ‘glory days’ time period are often fuzzy but the implication is clear “If I actually cared enough to get in shape I would smoke all of you” The only con I can see to this approach is you can’t get too fast or fit-looking or you will eventually be exposed as a total sham.  A close cousin of this guy is ‘The self-proclaimed has-been”

The ‘Training through’ person- This person can’t rest.. they can’t afford to (!!!) There is always another big race around the corner, next week, next month, next year, and resting up could jeopardize everything!!! You can spot this person because they are moaning they might not even finish because they’re too tired from yesterday’s long ride or run, so they can’t possibly be expected to compete with others. It is apparent that the underlying message here is “if I was fresh, I would dust you” Downside? When you beat people enough, they’ll be onto you.

Step 3- Supporting Evidence

Still haven’t gotten them convinced? Some cases are desperate enough to require additional supporting evidence.  Here are a few ideas

Know-nothing guy- Pepper the facebook community with lots of questions about the race. “Do I wear running shoes on the bike?” “Are goggles provided to registered participants?”

Never training/Not at race weight guy- recent pictures of love handles will do just fine. Also photos of excessive libations and time consuming extra-curricular activities.

Self-proclaimed has been- If you see yourself as more of a ‘self-proclaimed has-been’ then consider posting 5-10 year old pictures of yourself looking awesome at races.

Training through chick- Duh. A picture of your Garmin screen showing your recent Six-Gap ride. Bonus points for pics at the top of each gap. 

Teeming with life and death

Every day after work my first priority and order of business is to take the girls for their big walk. This walk has changed over the years but currently takes place at some abandoned railroad tracks close to our house. This is primarily so the girls can get some exercise off-leash. They aren’t the kind of dogs one can walk around the block and that’s it.

This is what the Silver Comet used to look like when it was operational

When we first discovered the railroad tracks, which are actually part of the Silver Comet trail it was exciting and scary. I had always been kindof scared to go back there because I was (and am) convinced there were ‘train people’ living in the train cars parked nearby. Not like the boxcar kids or anything but nefarious characters.

This is the idea of the abandoned scary train cars.. except this is  in a parallel universe across the pond

Then they moved the train cars out past 285 and the coyote population also seemed to thin. All the sudden, the tracks were fair game again. On our first exploration walks, we discovered an encampment. I already knew who lived there, a shady character that I have seen around the neighborhood.  I’m pretty sure there are people living under 285, too Well we simply decided not to walk that direction anymore and now the area from Oakdale to 285 is our ‘territory.’

This is pretty much what it looks like now

It’s our territory except for the crazy population of animals this year. I don’t know if it’s more the early warm weather or the fact that it’s all just been getting wilder for another year.

For instance, Sadie and bailey have been finding an average of two turtles a day now. Along with all the yellow jackets and snakes. The train tracks are abandoned and now rotting. Perfect place for yellow jackets to take residence. So they have over the past two years. Dozens of nests. They like the wooden slats best that just have tiny holes in them. If you watch them they fly in and out, you can start to imagine how many thousands there actually are.

 I do best if I just ignore them.. if I watch them fly in and out of the little holes I can feel my blood pressure start to rise. Instead I just step quickly on the boards.. or preferably between them, trying not to look too closely. The next issue is snakes. I have seen more snakes in the past several weeks than I have seen in years or perhaps ever. The first time Bailey and Sadie saw one they were appropriately scared and respectful. They barked and stayed somewhat out of striking distance. Now they have become more bold.  The snakes love to curl up on the tracks and soak up in the sun. Fine, I have looked them up and they are mostly of the king snake variety.. scary looking but actually feed on poisonous snakes. Good enough for me.

King snake. I'm sure there are thousands that I don't see

But nothing could have prepared me for Bailey actually running on top of a snake a few weeks ago. I wish I had a video of this. So bailey is trotting along happy as a little wild dingo and she’s about a hundred yards ahead of me. I am watching her but mostly concentrating on not stepping on a yellow jacket hole. She reaches this part of the tracks where there are like some thick electrical cords once meant for who knows what (great place to let dogs or children play, huh) and all the sudden something leaps up and strikes at her from behind. It was scary but also hilarious mostly because of her reaction and the fact that I was sure it was a non-poisonous snake. So the snake leaps, she turns her little baby runt head and does a double take and then just keeps on trotting along. Soo funny I was rolling. I couldn’t find the snake but clearly she was bitten so it was fine.

Unconcerned.. about anything at all

Finally the turtles. The turtle situation is getting a little out of control. A few months ago Bailey and Sadie were scared of turtles so they would only bark and not touch. They have gotten over that fear and now like to carry the turtles proudly  around in their mouths, eventually dropping them with a loud ‘clack’ in front of me. Then I scold them and put the more traumatized turtle back outside of the train track enclosure and basically guard it until walk time is over. 

At first I feared they were permanently damaging these poor guys until I watched one long enough to see it come ‘back to life’  Today was one turtle too many. I braved the yellow jacket holes to walk probably a half mile down the track with one of the girls. I almost missed it, but on the way back I saw a tiny turtle, belly facing the sky. Strange thing was it’s head was poking out and it was staring straight up at me with huge beady eyes. I wondered if it was dead. Really hoped that it was one that Bailey/Sadie had found and deposited today and it hadn’t been like that for 24 hours. At first I thought it might be dead but when I picked it up it let out this little turtle scream and retreated back into it’s shell.

Truly it was traumatic for me and the turtle. I found a nice grassy spot and set it there. Then I did a little detour into the woods to avoid a stirred up yellow jacket hole. Then I rescued another Large turtle from Sadie's jaws. Just another exciting afternoon walk

In related dog life news, my brothers childhood dog passed away at the age of 18. Ralph was a fine miniature poodle. When I was young I didn’t have much use for Ralph. My parents got him when I was in 8^th grade and I was much too interested in talking to boys on our new cordless phone, frequenting chat rooms on AOL, and obsessing over high school issues to care about dogs.  Ralph was a faithful companion with a heart of gold. When he was about 8 years old, my parents decided he could use a friend himself.  

They found another ‘purebred’ poodle advertised in a newspaper and named him Bob. Bob was from the shallow end of the gene pool and was probably about one quarter poodle, if that. He was also scared of everything and herding him gave Ralph new purpose in life. Bob couldn’t go out and go to the bathroom without Ralph to guide him and he wouldn’t eat without Ralphs permission. The brothers did everything together … played, ate, slept and loved each other with the strongest dog bond imaginable.

Bob, my mom, and Ralphie

 As Ralph got older, their roles started to reverse.  First Ralph went blind, then deaf, then developed seizures. Bobs new purpose in life was to help Ralph. He told him when it was time to go out, time to eat or sleep. I became quite fond of Ralph over the years. He really didn’t need much of anything .. as long as he had his brother and someone to let him in and out he was pretty much satisfied.

Last time I was home, I had a feeling it was almost Ralph’s time to go to doggy heaven. I have worried about this for years, but now it seemed like a preferable option to his clear confusion and pain. RIP, Ralphie! We will miss you and see you in doggy heaven.